I keep praying

I just keep praying.  I don’t know who is hearing the prayers,  i just know they keep answering.  I ask for more faith and less fear.  I ask to help keep my intentions in goodness and out of vengeance.  Sometimes,  though,  it’s just too hard.  I know no one is perfect.  Certainly not me,  but this battle is wearing on me today and I feel the anger rising.  So much of my life seems to be in the hands of others right now and that has always made me uneasy.  So many times people have proven that they just can’t do the right thing.  I have to force myself into the level of thinking I recently reached and not allow myself to go back to the old.  Nothing,  not one thing,  is in anyone else’s hands at all.  Everything belongs to my Creator now and I need to be reminded of that sometimes.  Sometimes it is just too scary to have faith in moments like this.   I’ve never felt so afraid. But,  this time,  I won’t let the fear send me spinning out of control or into the illusion that I have any at all.  This time,  I will let it drive me closer to the Man up in the cosmos who has kept me safe all along.  This time,  I can’t be beaten if I remember what i’ve learned and use it.  This time I will have peace WHILE I cry instead of afterward.  I just needed to write that down here to make it real.  My enemies have always been so much bigger and louder than I am. I know that it was never really me who won at all. I have to keep the faith, but today, it’s been difficult.

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