I’ve discovered that music is the only thing that stops me from reading or writing.

A melody jars me so that I have to stop and listen.

It’s a different language than my words that encompasses things I can’t express in the ways I’m familiar.

It’s alive in the way my words are but it’s speaking.

My words in writing are translated through the individual mindset they reach.

As are the words I read.

But, music, it needs no words.

It just sings.

What will throwing stones solve?

Picture it.

You on one side of the street.

Your opponent on the other.

Each party taking turns casting bricks of judgement.

Until, the bricks are gone.

The ammunition is spent and the rubble has settled.

Now between the two sides stands a wall.

With each party on opposite sides, how will the conflict end?

How will the dispute reach a resolution?

The climb is shaky and sharp.

Why not just sit and rest in the discomfort with your adversary?

Look in each other’s eyes.

Maybe in the vulnerable pause questions and responses can be cast instead of stones.

Maybe empathy can take root.

Maybe you find a closeness with that person that makes you hesitate to harm them.

Why throw stones if all you will get is a wall between you and a resolution?

The “world out there” isn’t some far away place.

It’s right beneath your feet.

Forget about the walls and borders that men have built for a moment.

Stand firmly where you are. Wherever you are.

Listen for the birds.

Let yourself feel the wind.

Look up into the sky.

Run your hands through the sands or the grass or the pavement you stand upon.

The ground beneath you and everything above is our home.

OUR home.

Those are the things we all share.

When you see a need, meet it.

THAT is Good.

THAT is Decent.

We’re all on this and in this together.

Let’s start acting like it.

I know a wonderful woman named Tausha.

She took it upon herself years ago to start an organization in Haiti called Haiti Mama.

Haitimama.org

They are attempting to tackle the very real tragedy that is the orphanage system in Haiti by reuniting street kids with their living parents.

This organization gives both parties an education and skills so they can provide for themselves.

They also provide an outlet for these wonderful people to sell the goods they create to sustain themselves and their children by selling the products through their website and in subscription boxes, etc.

Typically children there are taken from the street and put into orphanages even if they have living parents.

By teaching the parents trades and giving the children an education, I believe her organization does an incredible amount of good for that country.

That country needs her message and influence.

They’ve been without power for weeks.

In their care currently is a disable child named Charlie.

Without power they’ve had to run a generator to keep his g-tube pump running.

This has increased their financial burden by $550 a month.

Now, this organization isn’t about bandaid fixes.

They’ve decided to try and raise funds to switch to solar power.

The work they’re doing leaves me in awe.

The mindfulness they employ in regards to future success is mind blowing.

The care they exhibit amidst gang violence and nationwide instability is God like.

The clarity of their minds during such trying times is surely one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

The courage to continue in their mission is a miracle.

They need our help so I’m bringing their plight to your attention.

Haitimama.org

Help the Mamas help their children.

People talk about paths to walk.

I don’t want a path.

If there is a path that means several have walked there long enough to mark the earth with their foot steps.

I want virgin grass under my bare feet.

I want the scent of the lake water in a strong and warm summer wind with no other scent to spoil it’s purity and power.

I want to walk forward into something new. Not something others have tried for and failed.

I walk into the wilderness barefoot and alone and sure and steady and confident in my capabilities.

Those on paths have failed to find solutions if all of our paths have proven to be small repetitive circles.

Or straight wagon wheel ruts.

Or twenty lane interstates that bring a person to and from but fail to bring them nearer and closer to one another though we are all inches apart.

I do.

I know I say it a lot.

People say that it means less when I say it more.

But, I do love you.

I might not like you.

But, I love you.

If you think me loving more people means I have to love you less, I’m sorry.

Is that how you see love?

Like a thing that can be stretched thin or worn out.

If that is true, it appears to me the problem isn’t in my ability to love you.

It appears to me that the problem is in your ability to recognize, feel, or accept it.

Appearances can be deceiving so, correct me if I’m wrong.

But, I do love you.

I do.

This safe spot of reflection.

I haven’t been here for years.

Maybe it’s time to make some new musings and memories.

Here’s to a new batch of shenanigans.

Short answer.

No.

Why would you if you loved them?

Everything inside of us says that we loved them for a reason.

Maybe a lot of reasons.

Maybe just one.

Well that’s not how love works.

Love doesn’t have a code or a book or a map.

It doesn’t care what we think.

Love is a driving force.

More than a feeling

It’s what causes hate to collapse.

It’s what makes wrongs feel right.

It’s destructive and healing.

It is what we need it to be.

But, it never leaves. It doesn’t go away.

When love is real it’s always going to be a part of you when you see that person or you feel the pain of their absence.

It’s meant to be there. You just have to know love well enough to handle all that it entails.

Love IS

It isn’t a thing.

It isn’t a place.

It isn’t a person.

It isn’t a time or a space.

It’s everything.

And, when you realize who you are and what you’re capable of, love, it’s YOU.

The purpose everyone is looking for.

It all starts and ends in the same spot.

It all gives and gets there too.

It’s you.

Love.

Everything you’ve wanted.

Everything you’ve given.

They meet and share a place.

And the two just sit down and sigh because they have been there so long without being noticed.

The day the needs of others and of our selves and the things given freely meet, you’ll know, it was always coming from you.

From a place unseen and an emotion rejected frequently.

From love that’s always been there.

From you.

Here is what I would say to those contemplating as this has become an overwhelming risk for life…
1. Your pain is real. You aren’t imagining it or making it up. Human beings can’t make up emotions. We can feel them or learn to control them but we cant manufacture them insincerely. You feel terribly and you’re not “imagining it” or being “dramatic”.
2. Maybe you’ve felt this way for days, months, years. But, you won’t always feel this way. Find hope in things people forget to see. Blades of grass. The sweet smell of the summer wind. A cold blast of wind in the winter that sends shimmering flakes of snow swirling around you. Taste each moment. Stop thirsting for a perfect future. No one gets one of those.
3. Whatever you’ve done, you can fix it or find a way to get past it. Nothing is irredeemable. Nothing is unforgivable. A truly good person will find a way to at least let you live in the peace of your improved persona and lifestyle. Anyone who wants you to live in their resentful idea of the horror you should suffer for what you’ve done to them doesn’t deserve your perpetual pain.
4. The world is NOT better off without you. You are here because you were meant to play a part. Play it. Play it until your end comes naturally. And taking your own life is not natural. Not because it goes against any law but because we are meant to protect our own lives by nature. We are meant to protect ourselves because, without outside influence, we are born to know we are valuable. That’s why we jump and scream when we are scared. That’s why our hearts beat without thinking. We may be unable to breathe sometimes because of the chemical imbalance of our brains or trauma that’s gone unresolved but we always end up catching our breath. Our bodies want to live, even when our brains don’t. And they’re meant to work together for a reason.
5. Wait on that impulse. Many times we get in to a bad moment and we think we have to do something about it RIGHT NOW because it’s overbearing and unbearable to the point that we physically suffer. Breathe on it. Sit on it. Write on it. Talk on it. Do not act on it. Many of us who have felt like ending it have thought about ending it before. And we didn’t. And we got a little better. Imagine if you allowed yourself to extend those times a bit longer. How much better could you get if you strengthened your resolve to live? if you refuse to die just one more time, no matter how loudly your brain calls for you to end it all? A LOT stronger. A lot
6. People around you may not understand. But, someone out there can, at the very least, empathize. Only the ones who’ve found it easy to fit in and blend can say that they feel natural camaraderie wherever they go. They may be the majority, but, you are the extraordinary. CHOOSE TO BE EXTRAORDINARY!
7. Reach out. Speak your pain. Anonymously. In person. Online. However you have to. Giving a bit of it all to someone else isn’t a burden. You may find others actually enjoy helping people get through these things. I know I love to be on that end as opposed to the other. It gives me a sense of service to others.
8. Speaking of service to others… Be of service in any way you can. It makes it hard for your demons to devalue you if you’re out there doing any good you can possibly do.
9. Don’t think for a second that you can’t do this. You can. You have. You will. And maybe, someday, you won’t have to anymore. I know that for a fact as a person who has found contentment amidst troubles. Troubles I could’ve only conquered BECAUSE of my difficult past.
10. Finally.
Death isn’t an end to suffering. Maybe you think your family will be better off without you. Or that your kids would be. Or that no one loves you so you may as well stop living. Someone loves you. I love you. Maybe you don’t see it. Maybe you don’t “know” it. It’s hard to “know” someone loves you if your brain refuses to register the feeling of love. No amount of proof of love would be able to make a mark in that brain. The beast of depression took over and told you that you’re not needed here and that the people YOU love would be better off if you were gone. But, if you pull that trigger or swallow those pills or whatever form of death you inflict upon yourself, all of the pain you feel just gets placed on another person’s shoulders. Or off into the negative energy of this world. Choose to protect your loved ones against your brain’s current maladies. Choose to be more than what anyone thought you capable of. Choose to live. To get help from credible sources when needed. Don’t pass it on. PUT IT on and wear it like a shield. Protect the world against what you WILL conquer if you choose to live step by step and day by day until you reach the point where you can say, “I wanted to die. So many times. But, I refused to give up or give in. I want to help my fellow man. I grew up and out. Here is how you get better.”❤️❤️❤️