I drove 18 hours and I found out.

I saw how I’d been taught to feel superior to the south.

How silly

But, their text books are different than ours when it comes to one major tragedy in our blighted history.

Big problem

Huge

Devastating, horrific

Knowing all of that I went there with an interest to discover

I found,

Their culture seemed older and more vibrant.

The word Saturated fits the region but I don’t have the words to accompany it

To explain why.

Saturated.

Humid

Hot

Colorful

Delicious, as well.

Interesting and old

My first “winter” there was a wonder

I’d never lived in a place that never got cold

It was beautiful

A giant forest and foothills with a sprinkling of humanity amongst the leaves

The people were beautiful

So many different kinds

They all told such interesting stories

Being from rural Minnesota, I’d listen to them talk in riddles all day just to keep hearing that accent.

I’d probably still be there had things not had to change, as they do.

One thing that I didn’t get a lot of was ridicule and hate

There was a brief period when I had Minnesota plates that I’d hear someone yell, “Go home you fucking Yankee!”, from across the parking lot.

It’s startling to hear that type of thing.

I’d normally fight back but I’d imagine that fight would get exhausting.

To have to defend myself every day over something I couldn’t control

Where I was born

I was mostly welcome wherever I went

Except by the ones screaming at a pregnant lady from across the parking lot

I learned those folks were “different”

Touched in the head

I found myself admired by a lot of people down there

Alabama is where I realized, I’m sort of tall

I don’t feel that way up here.

Up here we have the swedes

Scandinavia makes them tall

And pale

I remember people being particularly concerned that I’d burn up in the sun

They practically threw bottles of sunscreen at me

I don’t burn that easily in minnesota

I do down there…

I guess they’re closer to the sun.

Thunderstorms and rain squalls there are still one of my favorite things

The air in front of you changes color

The precipitation falls like a blanket

The smells and sounds all go silent and then roar

Truly wonderous

When we got into it,

The issue,

I realized I hadn’t been told the whole truth

Neither had he

We were taught to judge and condemn each other

Neither of us had been there to choose a side

I hope I’d be in a position back then in which I could be an aggressively prolific and profoundly emphatic opponent of slavery.

But, you never really know what you’re going to have to do to survive this world,

and

I think we’ve all seen that it doesn’t really matter what we do most often

The majority is going to move in the direction it chooses to

whether it’s right or wrong 

Especially quickly when it’s wrong…

Extremely loud and immovable in mindset when it’s wrong…

The majority either says nothing or yells everything on repeat

Same story. Different decade.

Century

Ion

I drove 18 hours and spent five years and I found out

The South has racism, but, the racism in the north feels worse to me

More seductive

Less apparent

It slithers like a snake here

I didn’t like seeing a black man back out of an aisle I entered into at Crown station in Curry, al.

Maybe he was nervous that, if I made a claim, he could be beaten in the street

That shit makes me so sad

But, he has learned that he needs to do that to avoid injury in this country I suppose

All I can do is suppose

I understand certain feelings

Emotion transcends body type, identification, and color

We ALL have those and a need to navigate this world in tandem with these things that alert us or dampen our spirits as we traverse this world

Feelings just don’t always make sense

My alarms rang most loudly near the old guys hanging out at the counter chatting with the young female attendant and following women to their cars after brief conversations

Some of them have a way about them that is quite unnerving

An entitlement

You can find those men everywhere

And the town criers

The gossips

The cowards

And drunks, and addicts, and prostitutes, thieves

There is evil and goodness in every inch of this place

I met Brian in the middle ground

Somewhere neither of us called home

We all knew this would be the love story of the century

We were both so obviously stable

We certainly needed the time and experience that advancing in years allows

We are dedicated, though

Have been from the beginning

We do love each other

Always will

And, love will teach you how to get through it all

Our union doesn’t necessarily make sense

I find it necessary despite that fact

Our children need to know certain things and it’s my job to see that they receive them if I can 

I often surprise myself with what I can do

Surely I can understand these culture wars and dick measuring contests and bullies on the ballot and mean queens and all of the other unpleasantness here

I have to

My kids need an explanation that won’t kill their spirits

I do extraordinary things to prove to them there is good in this world but it’s been getting more difficult to make them believe that

I think what hurts most is that they feel alone

Targeted

Disliked because of their genetics, things they can’t control

Told to, “Go back to Alabama.”, almost daily

Hate is often ridiculous so the measures taken to combat it might seem insane to some

Have to try, though

Always, have to try

At least now I can see the “mad lib” page they’re working with

The script they use, implanting and erasing interchangeable slurs to rile up the crowd and get everyone feeling drunk with fear and aggression

That page is a plain of existence for them

There isn’t enough room there for me

Id like to make this place more understanding because my children’s sanity depends on it

My sanity depends on it

Our sanity depends on it

And to think so negatively about a place you’ve never been,

People you’ve never met,

Drive 18 hours

That’s less than a day

Spend some time

I found out

But

If you’re afraid of the truth

Just say that

Someone will show you how lazy it is to hate something so lovely as diversity

Something so lush and unending as the wonder created by our odd and inviting variety

Find out